Deloris

Thursday, December 25, 2008

100 Things You Need to Know About Nick Saban

There is no depth chart, only a list of players Coach Saban allows to be on the team.
Nick Saban can touch MC Hammer.
Nick Saban is what Willis was talking about.
Coach Saban's sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Coach Saban pajamas.
Coach Saban washes his hair with acid and rinses with jet fuel.
Guess who Luke Skywalker's REAL father is...
Coach Saban outran Seabiscut.
Coach Saban found Bigfoot and now has him cleaning his pool.
Coach Saban uses metal shavings to clean his contacts.
Coach Saban thinks Chuck Lidell is effeminant.
Nick Saban was not born, he merely shed a woman.
Nick Saban can speak braille.
Coach Saban was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Coach Saban can slam revolving doors.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Coach Saban can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Coach Saban wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.
There is no "survival of the fitest," only a list of creatures Coach Saban allows to live.
The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to Coach Saban."
Coach Saban was scheduled to be Stalone's stunt double in Rambo, but he was replaced after refusing to wearing a parachute when jumping from the plane.
Coach Saban beat Ray Charles in a staring contest.
The gaping hole in the Periodic Table of Elements once contained all of the elements used to create Coach Saban. The NCAA and ALABAMA omitted these elements in future publications of the Table out of fear that rival Schools could make their own Nick Saban.
To know all the animals coach Saban does not like just look at the extinction list.
Coach Saban lost both his legs in a car accident and still managed to walk it off.
Crop circles are just Coach Saban's way of telling people that sometimes corn just needs to lie down!!
Coach Saban does not recruit, he permits.
Coach Saban donates layers of his skin to the military to make bullet proof vests.
Nick Saban has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Nick Saban to die before they attack.
Sabans tears cure cancer.... Too bad he has never cried.
Nick Saban doesn't read books, he just stares them down till they give him the information he wants.
When Nick Saban has surgery the anathesia is administered to the doctors.
The boogeyman checks his closet for Nick Saban.
Nick Saban invented the cesarean section when he roundhouse kicked his way out of his mothers womb.
Nick Saban gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Nick Saban once asked for a Bic Mac at Burger King...and he got one.
Nick Saban has two speeds. Walk and kill.
The "Monster Package" defense was actually named in honor of Nick Saban's genitalia.
They once made a Nick Saban toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.
Nick Saban is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Coach Saban jumps in a pool he doesn't get wet, the water gets Saban.
Coach Saban can divide by zero.
When Saban coughs a Tsunami is born.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Coach Saban could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Coach Saban does not dodge bullets. Bullets dodge Coach Saban.
The only reason tanks go so slowly is they're looking nervously around for Coach Saban.
Coach Saban only kicks you into next week so that he can kick you again. Harder.
It is said you can't know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. This means no one will ever know Coach Saban because he'd kill you if you touched his shoes.
Coach Saban is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Coach Saban killed Kenny.
Coach Saban is true for all values of x.
Coach Saban can find the square root of the color yellow, without using a prism or a diagram of the visible light spectrum.
When Coach Saban does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Coach Saban is the only known being to defy the Time Paradox by going back in time and killing himself. (Note the current Coach Saban says this does not mean he can be beaten.)
When Coach Saban busts you in the face, his fist is moving faster than the speed of light; this means that while it may appear that he has taken .01 seconds to smack you to the outside observer, you were already dead at -3 seconds.
Coach Saban=MC²
Coach Saban counted to infinity. And then back down to negative infinity. Twice.
Newton's Fourth Law is Coach Saban. "An object at motion will stay at motion, unless it meets Coach Saban".
Coach Saban can score a goal while in the penalty box.
When Coach Saban talks everyone in the world listens. Including people who are deaf.
Coach Saban doesn't age; another year gets added to his existence, which sucks for Auburn.
Coach Saban can burn an ant with a magnifying glass....AT NIGHT! (also, he doesn't really use the magnafying glass)
Coach Saban and Chuck Norris walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome power cannot be contained in one building.
It is said that looking into Coach Saban's eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, all those who get that close have exactly the same future.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Coach Saban. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Coach Saban.
When Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. However, when the Hulk gets even more livid, he turns into Coach Saban.
Coach Saban doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Coach Saban.
If you work in an office with Coach Saban, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
Coach Saban's bedroom is always brightly lit. No, it's not because he fears the dark, it's because the dark fears Coach Saban.
Coach Saban can bite his own elbow.
On his birthday, Coach Saban blows out his candles by blinking.
Coach Saban can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Coach Saban CAN believe it's not butter!
Coach Saban knows exactly where Carmen San Diego is.
If you fail to capitalize coach saban, he will kill you so fast you w--
The Guinness Book of World Records has a disclaimer in the end stating that all the records actually belong to Coach Saban, and the records listed are just the ones that came closest.
You can find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. But when Coach Saban has taken the gold, you will probably only find corpses of leprechauns.
In space, nobody can hear you scream...except Coach Saban.
Coach Saban doesn't shave. Instead, he raises his fist and the hairs know to back up.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Coach Saban.
Coach Saban let the dogs out.
Bloody Mary is afraid of facing a mirror and repeating "Coach Saban" three times.
Why was 10 afraid of 7? It was because 7 knew Coach Saban.
I once sent my Chihuahua to be trained by Coach Saban. It came back a Doberman. Sent the Doberman back, it came back a mountain lion. When I sent the lion back, Coach Saban came back with a T Rex hide, saying, "Sorry, but it tried to eat me."
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Coach Saban IS "fear itself."
Nick Saban's cable service has never went out, EVER.
Coach Saban once shot down an airplane by pointing his finger at it and shouting, "Bang!"
Coach Saban once impregnated a woman by pointing at her and saying, "Booyah!"
When Coach Saban plays Monopoly, it actually affects the world economy.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Coach Saban. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Coach Saban's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Coach Saban.
In a fight between Spider-Man and Darth Vader, the winner would be Coach Saban.
Coach Saban owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a green number 4 from Uno, and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.
Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Coach Saban.
Coach Nick Saban is the reason Waldo is hiding.
The greatest cover up of this century is that Hitler didn't actually commit suicide in his bunker. He was in fact teabagged to death by Coach Saban.
The batcave is actually where batman stays until Coach Saban gives him persmission to come out.
The reason that the Weeping Willow tree is weeping is because it's not Nick Saban.

Roll Tide! Go Alabama!

Chuck Norris aint got nothin’ on Nick Saban

Nick Saban is so tough...

---He sent a memo to the athletic department saying no one can make eye
contact with him in the hallways...

---He was so frustrated with the lack of tackling that he took on Jimmy
Johns in a 1 on 1 drill and gave JJ a mild concussion...

---He punched John Parker Wilson in the face during practice when JPW
spoke to him without kneeling...

---He's taking the names off of the jerseys and replacing them all
with "cleansingbag"...

---He got so tired of seeing the punters shank their kicks during
practice that he took off his shoe and punted the ball 73 yards...and
it rolled another 12 and stopped inside the 5...

---I heard that Nick Saban drives an ice cream truck covered in human
skulls.

---Saban is going to singe-handedly build the new addtion to the
stadium using his laser vision, mind powers, and go-go-gadget arms.

---I heard that Saban has more strength in one nut than Chuck Norris
does in his whole body.

---300 is loosely based on the Sabanized Bama football teams.

---nick saban once killed a man...just by staring at him. It's
true...wikipedia said so.

---I heard the opening seens to saving private ryan where looselly
based on sabans child hood dodgeball games..

---While coaching at Toledo, Saban became bored during practice one day
and decided to write a short story about what he'd do if he ran the
world. This story became known as the Bible.

---Saban took the entire team to the rec after practice for karate
class and introduced him to their guest instructor... Chuck Norris.

---I heard Saban actually beat Tubbs and Spurrier by 54 strokes a piece
during the Regions Classic pro-am! Saban hit a hole in one on every
hole! After the round Saban commented on his round " MY putting woes
continue, so I decided to attack them from the tee box!!"

---I heard that Nick Saban is Chris Angel's father.

---I heard that upon the hiring of Nick Saban that Paul "Bear" Bryant
dug himself out of his grave went to the nearest pay-phone and called
the Athletic Department at auburn laughingly saying "GOT 'EM"
-True Story (maybe)

---I heard that Big Al and Nick Saban were using the same urinal and
upon leaving the previous said urinal the Alabama mascot demanded to
simply be referred to as Al and attach the subtitle Big to Coach Saban.
Thus we have Al and Big Saban!

---I heard that when Saban isn't coaching football, he's out on the
streets at night fighting crime with his super human powers

---I heard that Saban was actually an aborted fetus, but through pure
strength and determination he was able to put himself through a full
gestation period outside of the womb. Saban was never a quitter (his
mother on the other hand...)

---Nick Saban owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him
win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a
Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a
green 4 card from the game Uno.

---Giraffes were created when Nick Saban uppercutted a horse.

---Playing a Saban coached team is the preferred method of execution in
all 50 states.

---I heard that when he was moving here from Miami, he didnt drive or
fly, he walked across the gulf

---I heard Superman wears Saban PJs.

---Cyborg?

---I heard that he was so moved by Al Gore's movie "An Unconvenient
Truth" that he sold his car and bought a sadle. He now rides Andre
Smith anywhere he needs to go.

---I heard that Mike Shula has to give Nick a foot massage everyday and
say who's your daddy?

---I heard a pastor say last week that the scriptures credit Coach
Saban with the creation of Football.

---A Bahamian judge has awarded Anna Nicole Smith's baby to Nick Saban.
The baby can now run a 4.6 40 and maxed out on bench at 395. Saban was
not pleased with the progress...

---I heard Saban taught his kids to swim by throwing them in the deep
end of the pool on their 2nd birthday. The ones who survived are now
olympic speed swimmers. The ones he lost weren't worthy to be his kids.

---I heard that The University of Alabama President (President Witt)
asks Saban for permission to go to the bathroom

MY TRIBUTE TO 10 SPECIAL PEOPLE. ARE YOU ON HERE??

1. this one is actually for 3 people, and they know who they are. yall are my brothers from other mothers and my road dawgz 4 ever. i would go to war for any of yall. i would take a bullet for any yall and i know that yall would do the same for me. I.B.C-Joe 4 life! and ROLL TIDE ROLL CRACKAZ!

2. This one is to the bestest sister in law in the whole world. you've been more family to me than my own (uh hum). ur one of the greatest people i've ever met and even though we almost never see each other i think about you all the time. and you've brought someone to me that brings nothing but joy in my life,and that's Nylaiah. i love and miss both of you!

3.to my wonderful cuzin. ur the BOMB!!! i love hanging out with you whenever im in j-ville. i miss you and i love you.

4. to the whitest guy in concordia that i know. you're my nikka for life. i've known ya for 4 years and you've kept me laughing ever since. stay up pimpin

5.to the "one that got away." you've been my best friend for over 5 years and not until recently could i tell you how i really felt about you. but itz all good and you're moving on with your life and i'm really happy for you. i love you S.M.M.!!

6. to my "sister" and my other best friend. i love hanging out with you but i dont get that opportunity that much anymore. but no matter what you will alwayz be my DEE!! i love you!

7.to my other homie. you've been my neighbor and best friend for 11 years. i'd do anything for ya man. And do me a favor try not to splash the pot whenever you please! (inside joke)

8.to my first love. i had some of the best times in the 2 years we were together. ur such an awesome person and i wouldn't change anything about you. you were my first serious relationship and i yours. you really opened the doors to that part of my life and show me that i can truely love someone like i did you. i will alwayz be thankful for everything you've done to me. i.w.a.l.y.B.D.W.

9. to the bestest best friend a guy could ask for in a girl. we've spent many nights on the phone trusting each other with our problems and many of nights hanging out and enjoying each other's company. u r prob the sweetest person i've ever met no matter what anyone says. and i def aint mad at cha, HEY!!!!! (you big dummy)

10.to my newest friend. even though we just met i feel like i could talk to you about anything. u r the bomb and i never get tired of hearing your compliments towards me and i enjoy every minute talking to you during our 27 hour conversations! lol. j/k. can't wait til i actually meet you in person. Holla ma!

What's wrong with me??

Why is it that everytime I find myself in a good situation, I alwayz find away out of it???

This has been the story of my life for the past year.

Every time I get into a relationship with someone and things start going well, my mind does a complete 180 on me.

wazzup with that?????

Maybe I'm just bound to be single for the rest of my life.

But who knows??

I sure don't.

And nor do I think that I ever will!!!!

100 Things You Need to Know About Nick Saban

There is no depth chart, only a list of players Coach Saban allows to be on the team.
Nick Saban can touch MC Hammer.
Nick Saban is what Willis was talking about.
Coach Saban's sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Coach Saban pajamas.
Coach Saban washes his hair with acid and rinses with jet fuel.
Guess who Luke Skywalker's REAL father is...
Coach Saban outran Seabiscut.
Coach Saban found Bigfoot and now has him cleaning his pool.
Coach Saban uses metal shavings to clean his contacts.
Coach Saban thinks Chuck Lidell is effeminant.
Nick Saban was not born, he merely shed a woman.
Nick Saban can speak braille.
Coach Saban was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Coach Saban can slam revolving doors.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Coach Saban can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Coach Saban wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.
There is no "survival of the fitest," only a list of creatures Coach Saban allows to live.
The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to Coach Saban."
Coach Saban was scheduled to be Stalone's stunt double in Rambo, but he was replaced after refusing to wearing a parachute when jumping from the plane.
Coach Saban beat Ray Charles in a staring contest.
The gaping hole in the Periodic Table of Elements once contained all of the elements used to create Coach Saban. The NCAA and ALABAMA omitted these elements in future publications of the Table out of fear that rival Schools could make their own Nick Saban.
To know all the animals coach Saban does not like just look at the extinction list.
Coach Saban lost both his legs in a car accident and still managed to walk it off.
Crop circles are just Coach Saban's way of telling people that sometimes corn just needs to lie down!!
Coach Saban does not recruit, he permits.
Coach Saban donates layers of his skin to the military to make bullet proof vests.
Nick Saban has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Nick Saban to die before they attack.
Sabans tears cure cancer.... Too bad he has never cried.
Nick Saban doesn't read books, he just stares them down till they give him the information he wants.
When Nick Saban has surgery the anathesia is administered to the doctors.
The boogeyman checks his closet for Nick Saban.
Nick Saban invented the cesarean section when he roundhouse kicked his way out of his mothers womb.
Nick Saban gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Nick Saban once asked for a Bic Mac at Burger King...and he got one.
Nick Saban has two speeds. Walk and kill.
The "Monster Package" defense was actually named in honor of Nick Saban's genitalia.
They once made a Nick Saban toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.
Nick Saban is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Coach Saban jumps in a pool he doesn't get wet, the water gets Saban.
Coach Saban can divide by zero.
When Saban coughs a Tsunami is born.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Coach Saban could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Coach Saban does not dodge bullets. Bullets dodge Coach Saban.
The only reason tanks go so slowly is they're looking nervously around for Coach Saban.
Coach Saban only kicks you into next week so that he can kick you again. Harder.
It is said you can't know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. This means no one will ever know Coach Saban because he'd kill you if you touched his shoes.
Coach Saban is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Coach Saban killed Kenny.
Coach Saban is true for all values of x.
Coach Saban can find the square root of the color yellow, without using a prism or a diagram of the visible light spectrum.
When Coach Saban does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Coach Saban is the only known being to defy the Time Paradox by going back in time and killing himself. (Note the current Coach Saban says this does not mean he can be beaten.)
When Coach Saban busts you in the face, his fist is moving faster than the speed of light; this means that while it may appear that he has taken .01 seconds to smack you to the outside observer, you were already dead at -3 seconds.
Coach Saban=MC²
Coach Saban counted to infinity. And then back down to negative infinity. Twice.
Newton's Fourth Law is Coach Saban. "An object at motion will stay at motion, unless it meets Coach Saban".
Coach Saban can score a goal while in the penalty box.
When Coach Saban talks everyone in the world listens. Including people who are deaf.
Coach Saban doesn't age; another year gets added to his existence, which sucks for Auburn.
Coach Saban can burn an ant with a magnifying glass....AT NIGHT! (also, he doesn't really use the magnafying glass)
Coach Saban and Chuck Norris walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome power cannot be contained in one building.
It is said that looking into Coach Saban's eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, all those who get that close have exactly the same future.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Coach Saban. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Coach Saban.
When Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. However, when the Hulk gets even more livid, he turns into Coach Saban.
Coach Saban doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Coach Saban.
If you work in an office with Coach Saban, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
Coach Saban's bedroom is always brightly lit. No, it's not because he fears the dark, it's because the dark fears Coach Saban.
Coach Saban can bite his own elbow.
On his birthday, Coach Saban blows out his candles by blinking.
Coach Saban can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Coach Saban CAN believe it's not butter!
Coach Saban knows exactly where Carmen San Diego is.
If you fail to capitalize coach saban, he will kill you so fast you w--
The Guinness Book of World Records has a disclaimer in the end stating that all the records actually belong to Coach Saban, and the records listed are just the ones that came closest.
You can find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. But when Coach Saban has taken the gold, you will probably only find corpses of leprechauns.
In space, nobody can hear you scream...except Coach Saban.
Coach Saban doesn't shave. Instead, he raises his fist and the hairs know to back up.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Coach Saban.
Coach Saban let the dogs out.
Bloody Mary is afraid of facing a mirror and repeating "Coach Saban" three times.
Why was 10 afraid of 7? It was because 7 knew Coach Saban.
I once sent my Chihuahua to be trained by Coach Saban. It came back a Doberman. Sent the Doberman back, it came back a mountain lion. When I sent the lion back, Coach Saban came back with a T Rex hide, saying, "Sorry, but it tried to eat me."
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Coach Saban IS "fear itself."
Nick Saban's cable service has never went out, EVER.
Coach Saban once shot down an airplane by pointing his finger at it and shouting, "Bang!"
Coach Saban once impregnated a woman by pointing at her and saying, "Booyah!"
When Coach Saban plays Monopoly, it actually affects the world economy.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Coach Saban. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Coach Saban's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Coach Saban.
In a fight between Spider-Man and Darth Vader, the winner would be Coach Saban.
Coach Saban owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a green number 4 from Uno, and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.
Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Coach Saban.
Coach Nick Saban is the reason Waldo is hiding.
The greatest cover up of this century is that Hitler didn't actually commit suicide in his bunker. He was in fact teabagged to death by Coach Saban.
The batcave is actually where batman stays until Coach Saban gives him persmission to come out.
The reason that the Weeping Willow tree is weeping is because it's not Nick Saban.

Roll Tide! Go Alabama!

Chuck Norris aint got nothin’ on Nick Saban

MY TRIBUTE TO 10 SPECIAL PEOPLE. ARE YOU ON HERE??

3.to my wonderful cuzin. ur the BOMB!!! i love hanging out with you whenever im in j-ville. i miss you and i love you.

4. to the whitest guy in concordia that i know. you're my nikka for life. i've known ya for 4 years and you've kept me laughing ever since. stay up pimpin

6. to my "sister" and my other best friend. i love hanging out with you but i dont get that opportunity that much anymore. but no matter what you will alwayz be my DEE!! i love you!

7.to my other homie. you've been my neighbor and best friend for 11 years. i'd do anything for ya man. And do me a favor try not to splash the pot whenever you please! (inside joke)

Deloris

Thursday, December 25, 2008

100 Things You Need to Know About Nick Saban

Chuck Norris aint got nothin’ on Nick Saban

MY TRIBUTE TO 10 SPECIAL PEOPLE. ARE YOU ON HERE??

What's wrong with me??

100 Things You Need to Know About Nick Saban

Chuck Norris aint got nothin’ on Nick Saban

MY TRIBUTE TO 10 SPECIAL PEOPLE. ARE YOU ON HERE??

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